Music..
Brings me tears
Brings me laugther
Bring me life
Brings me death
Brings me wound
Makes me scream
Brings me comfort
Brings me emotion
Brings me heartache
Makes me cry
Brings me your face, your scent, your touch, your hands, your embrace
Brings me you.. my love
Where I am
Is mature, is rational.
Where I were
Is beautiful, is emotional.
Where I will
may be cold and uncertain
Is that time of the month again. Really depress. I wonder if there is a cure for it. Pop a pill and everthg is under control. Is 3am already and I am feeling like a Zombee…. Everyone is asleep…errr except my fiance…..
We went to Equitorail @ Bangi today to take a look at the buffet lunch venue for our registra day. OK, quite nice, a lot of greens, and price is reasonable. Food looks ok…
Sigh,,, I dont know where to get my dress… Where can I find a white day gown? I wish everythg didnt have to be so formal…. but is once in a lifetime (I hope) and so if is not formal, i may regreat.
Alex is so kind today. He accompanied me the whole day. I feel he understands me….. more than anyone else and I feel that he loves me, know my emotional needs. What else can I ask for. I was misunderstood by a good friend I have in church today. Perhaps she doesnt really know me well enough. It made me feel uncomfortable but is a stress time so I tried to take it positively. But I am glad at the end of the day, Alex gave me some comforting words. I asked him, do you think my actions are showing who I really am deep inside me. He say no, is just that sometimes I dont know how to leave things alone because I care too much. But he say I dont have an evil heart despite sometimes I may be emotional and straight forward. Then I asked him, do u think actions are more important or our heart is more important. He said, the heart is more important. What we are deep inside is most important. But I have to learn how to stay away from people that dont like me instead of talking to them. "Dont talk to them unless they talk to you". I’ll be happier that way. He say, there are people who snoop around behind others back to do bad things and dont get blame because they know what to say or not to say in public. And they can pretend. Those are evil hearted people. Dont be like them. I ask Alex, does he think if he will have any diffilculty in our relationship after we are married? He say NO…errr.. except one. He say he is not allowed to play his RC heli on Saturday. (Coz sat in my day and I only allow him to play the rest of the 6 days). Hahah…. Alex so funny.
We are getting married and things between us are going on so well. Thats why it lead us to marriage. I know not everyone is happy for us because they dont really know what our realtionship is like. Perhaps, Alex is not "Christian enough" but which christian is nowdays. As long as God, Ming, Joey, Siu May, my family are so happy for me, is good enough. Because these people are those that really know me. If is not for them, I wouldnt be getting married.
I should be the happiest gal in the world now. Especially what Alex say to me yesterday night. He told me, he love me the way I am. Just stay the way I am. When he said that, I know… no matter who on this earth dont understand me and dont like the way I am, Alex do. He loves me the way I am. I dont know why God send me this wonderful man. But i am happy. I know my marriage will last a long time even if I am childish in handling matters at times. Because Alex knows me. He knows my heart. We are alike in some sense. We may quarrel, we may scream, we may act childish, at the end of the day, we hug and we still love each other. Thats us. It only gets better. He still love to hold my hands. I still loved to be hold. Is almost 3 years now. We are living our own lives. Helping the orang asli, doing our hobbies, staying happy. May be it may not be what others aspect from us, as long as we are happy, I am happy enough. Hmmm. …. I miss Alex now. Today is sunday. He has one to fly his RC heli. We are watching a movie later. Spend our Sunday evening together.
Let me start with a good news. Tomorrow my boyfriend and I will be applying to get registered married on 9th Sep 2008 @ JPN Putrajaya. So, we will be officially engaged then. We plan to have our wedding later next year or so.
I guess to many who know me for a long time and have waited for this day, yes, it is finally happening :). I am very thankful for my very close friends support and encouragement for me to take a next step. Thinking back of the good and bad times of my life and where God has lead me now, I am really grateful to be in the end marrying a faithful and good man. This will be the end of my singlehood. To me, it feels kind of amazing and exciting. May be because I have not been married. Hahaha. I love to feel this way. I dont know why but i do. I really hate monotone life. Oh well, then again, I am also afraid what will happen after marriage. Will my life be monotone along the way? What do I do if it gets too monotone? (Married people, do let me know) Oh well, I guess I will firgure that out along the way.
I guess in life, I have to move on. Leave my past behind and look forward to a future. My friend told me that life is too short to be upset. Find time to be happy. Is true. Really really true. Is useless to dwell in unhappiness that happened in our lives. Is wasting time. Time past faster than we realise.
Just last weekend, we were in Singapore looking for our pair of ring. Is nice to do things together with my boyfriend. He chooses things very carefully and very well. In short, he has a good taste. LOL. Besides that, he does a lot of research on things he wants to buy before he buys it. WE decided to get each other a ring in exchage on Sep 9th, carve our names on it. Somehow i feel, he and I are alike. We like to stick to what we like. We like what we stick to. Sometimes I think my boyfriend is simple, cute, logical. haha. I was asking him a few weeks ago about why are there guys who go around and cheat on their wife and hurt innocent gals. He said, there are people like that and thats the way they choose to be. Is the life that they want to lead. He also say, there are some who their wife are aware of thier husband cheating on them and they are accepting it simply because they choose to. Then I thought to myself and ask him. Do you think their wife is truely happy and ok with it. He say he doesnt know but is a life they choose to live. Is their life and it doesnt concern us. I also ask him a question about whether he has done any stupid things in his life that is so hard to forgive himself. He replied, rolling his eyeball up as usual, err… yes…. Then I ask him, So what do you fell about that? He say forget about it. Is the past and whats done cant be undone. We cant change things in the past no matter how we want to. Just dont do it again. We just have to keep moving forward. Then I ask him again. Will you cheat on your wife? He say, I dont do that. I would rather spend my money buying a few more remote heli for myself. (Oh well, I am axpecting that kidda of answer from him … no surprise). My bf is a very hobby person. His friends are those who share same hobbies with him. He doesn’t spend time gossipping like me when he is with people. haha. He doesnt care what kind of caractor his friends has but he cares what kind of hobbies his friends has. I guess thats why he is always happy with people.
All I know now is we want to get registered on Sep 9th. We havent thought of what to do next. When the time comes, we wil think about it. Just like to do a thing at a time instead of rushing through it. Is our lives. We dont do the norm. It doesnt concern others. I am happy just getting registered and getting a ring we both love to wear for the rest of our lives. Thats all for now.
I only had a dream
And I always had that dream close to me
One day I met him
He gave me my dream
I was happy
But I was sad
He took my dream from me
Leaving my life without a dream
How sad it is
To live without a dream
To lost just a dream I had
Every step is like a mile
Without a dream.
Joyce 3rd Aug 2007
Close to me
I cant part with someone close to me,
Is in my heart.
I cant sing when someone close to me,
Part my life.
Where is my familiar,
Have you parted me.
My heart stop smilling when u are not close to me.
Joyce Tan
30th Aug 2007
Is love letting each other go
or fighting for it
Is love forgetting good memories
or remembering it
Is love where it can be seen
or not be seen
Is love crying
or lauhing
Is love in your arms
or in my heart
Is love you, or me….
Joyce200708
It has been a year plus since I started helping out the Orang Asli at Kampung Baru, nearby Sang Lee, Pahang. Basically, these people dont have basic needs like food, education etc. Can’t imagine, in our country, there are still people in need of basic needs. Never kenew how lucky I am till I know them. Well, they are lucky in a way. I go there almost every fortnightly with my fellow CDPC team to teach them math….even though I always fail my math in school…. (must be blessed by God that I am able to teach them today) hehe. Is always tiring going there due to the long distance and a one day trip event. We would bring food and clothes, medicine etc for them each time we go and we will buy back Durians, Wild boar meat, rambutans, manggis etc.. Yummy hehe. The fresh aire there smells so green, and the water fall there is beautiful. A wonderful place to be in if you are sick of KL. I wouldnt mind staying there for a few years and find a husband who can hunt wild boars for me to eat. Hahaha… just kidding about the husband. Anyway, really, i wouldnt mind staying there. We have helped them build up toilets and sinks. Teach them hygiene so they may be prevented by illness. Now, we are trying to set up a hostel for the kids to have full time education. If it happens, I think i will sponsor a tin of milo a month to these poor kids on a long term basis. Basically, some may sponsor a pack of rice or some eggs monthlly. Depending on individual. Here are some of the photos I took with the kids when I first started going there. Hope if there is an opportunity, you can join me too. 
Have I ever felt ugly before? To be honest, I never thought I was pretty or ugly. I just love myself the way I am and I know my friends loves me too (the way I am)
2 years back, I was seeing this guy who always made me feel that I am not worthy for him and worst of all, made me feel that I was ugly. He is always comparing me with other girls. Do you know what is it like to feel that you are ugly? You couldnt even look at yourself in the mirrow. I started to be really quiet and I really believed that I was ugly. It was so upseting. But later, I realise something…. God loves me no matter who I am. He made me beautiful in his eyes and as long as He thinks I am beautiful, nothing else matters. I went to take a picture of myself recently, feeling pretty. Knowing that if that guy I met dont appreciate and love me the way i am, there are plenty of other people who truely love and care for me. I didnt realise that until I left his life. That there is a better world out there, where you can find people who looks at your heart, not how you look.
Somedays, when I think about all these, I still feel the pain danggling in my heart. How one person we love and the slightest thing he say can affect our whole life. Is like i am trapped in the past and is so hard to move on. But I am so happy now I have a few good good good friends who is always there to support me and help me in whatever difficult times I face. If it wasnt for them, I wouldnt have realise that I am beautiful in my own way.
I felt so fucked up shitty earlier today. Trying to firgure out somethings but just cant figure it out. It was spinning in my mind so badly.
Girls, ever realise something? Guys that treats you like a princess should go get stuffed!!! Ever asked yourself this question " Why do you even need anyone to treat you like a princess?". You know what, we dont need to be treated like a princess to be a princess. If we act like one, people will treat us like one. Think about it. We need to be just happy with ourself. … and if you are not, you need to find out why. Always remember this… NEVER FALL FOR A GUY THAT TREATS YOU LIKE A PRINCESS. Guys like that probably have a wife at home and plenty of other girl friends out there. Trust me, this cant be wrong. Guys like this will do your laundry for you, fix up things at home for you, be there when you need help within a few minutes, sms and call you 100 times a day to tell you all the sweetest thing in the world, buy food for you, fold your clothes and boil water and cook for you. They even fold your blankets for you and takes care of your pets for you.
Many things in life, we need to look and analised deeper. Relationship that is good on the appearence doesnt last. We are not talking about a year or two or even 5 or 7… is your life partner. There is no such thing as a perfect man to anyone. If there are, they are 100% + 100% FAKE
I hope if i ever have a son, he wont end up being a perfect guy. I will kick his arse!!! If I ever have a daugther, I will tell her she is already a princess if she wants to be one. If she doent want, dont border being one.
Friends, esp my girl friends… don’t ever let anyone change the way you are unreasonably. Love yourself. God will sent someone to love you.
" This article is especially dedicated to a loser … message to him…You are not worth my heartache "
